What Qualities Should I Look for in a Wife?

Proverbs 31:10-31 lists the qualities that a man should look for in a wife.  These qualities are ideals and the perfect wife or husband doesn’t really exist.  Nevertheless these are qualities all Christian women should strive for and men should desire in a wife.

“A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.”

This is the beginning of the passage in Proverbs and it relays the difficulty in finding the right spouse.  A person of noble character is one who seeks what God wants for their life and shuns evil.

A wife of noble character takes care of her family.  She is a hard worker who is not afraid of doing the dirty work.  But she also doesn’t pick up the slack for her husband.  He works hard to support the family as well.

She is able to give out thoughtful advice to her children.  Her children recognize her wisdom and do not despise it when she corrects them.

She may be a beautiful woman but she does not trust in her beauty because she realizes that it will fade with time.  Instead she puts her trust in the Lord.

Other people will recognize the virtues of a wife of noble character.  They will take note of how she loves her husband and cares for her children.  They will not be able to escape the fact that her husband is able to trust her in all of his affairs.

Obviously some of these qualities can’t be observed until a person is actually married but there will still be evidence of them before marriage.  These are the qualities that a man should desire when they are looking for a wife.

What Qualities Should I Look for in a Husband?

A wife has a whole list of qualities that she should strive for as they are listed in Proverbs 31.  A man has only one thing that he must do in order to be a good husband but his job is far more impossible than the one expected of a good wife.

Ephesians 5 gives us instructions on how a marriage should properly work.  Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

The love of Christ is self sacrificial.  It gives up a person’s own will for the good of another.  We may be capable of doing this for short periods of time, occasionally doing what someone else wants, but we aren’t capable of doing it all of the time.

For a husband to love his wife the way Christ loves the church, he must protect her physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  He must protect her even at the expense of his own well being.

The love of Christ gives us a vague notion of being an immense love, but we must remember that Christ died for the church.  A husband should love his wife enough to give up his life for her.  This could be literal but in practice it means that he doesn’t hang out with his friends as much any more.  It could mean that he cuts back on his personal spending in order to afford raising a family.

A woman should look for a husband who is willing to give up his old life in order to start a new one in love with her.  This is the greatest quality that a woman should look for in a husband.